Under Control
It kills me when random people try to make diabetes small talk with us, because inevitably they will say “Oh, do you finally have their diabetes under control?”, as though that is a thing. Let me tell you here and now, it’s not. It’s NEVER under control. Even Marshall, 28 years in, doesn’t have his diabetes under control. Because diabetes, especially Type 1 (or as many non-T1Ds like to call it “the bad kind”. Which also kills me), is a fickle beast. Stress, food, illness, excitement, hormones, medications, previous blood sugars….I could go on and on; all these things affect blood sugar. Minute by minute. And just when you think you’ve pegged something as a blood sugar “spiker” or “tanker", that can change too.
It’s not like there’s a magic equation we will eventually stumble upon where, EUREKA, their blood sugars are forevermore in a 80-150 range. And under control implies that we somehow are to blame when they’re not.
I don’t think I’m out of line by saying EVERY T1D is doing the best they can with their “diabetes management”. Even those who have a high a1c, because maybe they’re experiencing diabetes burnout and just getting out of bed each morning is the best they can do. Or, maybe they’re a college kid eating in a dining hall and trying to navigate high carb meals mixed with late night study sessions. Or, maybe their a1c is 5.2 and they are CONSTANTLY checking their blood sugar and calculating and projecting activity and insulin doses. That’s their best. Or their insurance won’t cover the test strips they need, so they only check their blood sugar 3 times a day instead of the recommended 8-10 times and consequently they ride a blood sugar rollercoaster. That’s the best THEY can do with what they have available to them. It’s a constant game of balance, and we’re all doing our best with what we have available to us, tangible or otherwise.
I wish the stigma of a “good diabetic” and a “bad diabetic” would just disappear. It’s a constant work in progress, either to find balance in blood sugars or balance in everyday life. I’m doing my best to make sure my kids grow up knowing we have good days, and we have rough days. There’s no point in beating ourselves up over numbers. How do you feel? Is that your best work for today? That’s all we can shoot for.
So when someone asks “is your kid’s diabetes under control” I respond by looking at my watch and saying “Right this second, yes. They’re alive.”
